Blogging Bored

Time to kill…

I can’t help thinking…

as I trawl through the internet day and night looking for suitable jobs, what shit some people get away with. If there is one thing that will fuck with your head its not having a job. It’s a fucking waste. Waste of time, energy, intelligence, talent and some might say ambition.  But, one thing that really annoys me is LACK of ambition. Possible future employers expect me to look through their work – spaces that they have ‘created’ and in some cases I use that term incredibly loosely.  Then I have to beg them for a job so I can get off the bloody rock’n’roll. I ain’t even kidding some people are producing pure shite!  That shows a true lack of ambition and that upsets me.

More fool me for sending in my CV…

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Filed under: jobs

How Much?!?!?!?!

I was lazily dunking a plain chocolate Leibniz biscuit in an excessively strong cup of coffee after a night of drinking strong cider (yes, it may have already come down to that) and this ad came on the TV. Admittedly, yes it was daytime viewing in the dark hours.  I could not believe my eyes when I saw what it was for.  I thought having seen adverts for posting your ‘spare’ gold I had seen it all.  It was an advert for a company called Quick Quid, whose tagline was ‘Make today payday’.  I didn’t think anything of it until I saw the APR on the money loaned to you.  It was the grand old figure of 2356% typical APR, and that’s typical, meaning if you don’t fulfil the criteria, you probably won’t get that typical rate.  Not only that but there is a charge of between £10 – £14.75 per £50 borrowed.  Legalised loan sharking, brilliant!!

How can the government talk about responsible banking by big banks that were bailed out by the taxpayer and let this go on?  They had a happy as Larry woman on the advert talking about how she was able to survive until payday.  That was all wrong, what they should have had was Vinnie Jones’ character from Lock Stock on the advert, Big Chris smashing someone’s head with the driver side door in the foot well of a Triumph Herald.  Okay, so they don’t come round and give you a proper shinning, but they’ll be round for all your stuff.  Its got to be some fucker who comes round and takes away some poor single mum’s Christmas pressies for her little ‘uns as they all cry, all because she had to take out a loan to pay her bills.  Merry Christmas folks!

Filed under: Television, , ,

Better Week/Bad Week

I am of course talking about Thierry Henry, Tiger Woods and Gillette. Yes folks, as news broke of Tiger crashing his car into a fire hydrant outside his house. Where his wife smashed in the rear window of his car with a golf club, in order to get the poor Mr. Woods out of the driver’s seat (I know, go figure and speculate – I encourage you!).  Thierry Henry was rubbing his hands with glee, “Brilliant!” he must have exclaimed “now Gillette will forget about me, no?!”  No!  As the image from The Spoiler would suggest!  Spot the Ball competition anyone?!

After, even I must admit, poor footballing skills from one of the world’s best players, he must have thought his advertising contracts would take a bit of a battering.  As a friend of mine told me, there was a row on Twitter of all places, where an employee of a London advertising agency stood up for the hand of frog against a rival and this had made it to all the way to a board meeting of the said parent company.  This is all pub talk though, who knows what’s true these days.  I know this is though…  ain’t looking too hot for Gillette’s (un)holy trinity.  Federer’s crash out of the nonsensical (in my opinion anyway) ATP World Tour Finals seems like a drop in the ocean compared to the storm created by both his brand mates.  Can things get any worse, after all bad things come in threes, don’t they?!  Even worse for Gillette, might Henry get a ban for the World Cup?  After as my old Mum says, there is no such thing as bad publicity…

Filed under: Advertising, Sport, , , , , ,

Graphic designers are sad in the UK…

as you are apparently the biggest listeners to the George Lamb show on BBC Radio 6, which was on from 10am til 1pm on weekdays has reached its end. The show has been moved to a 7am slot on Saturdays and Sundays.  The childish gibberings, features, slating of that fat bloke on Radio 1, humour, with a smattering of great tunes that eased most listeners into the lush voice of Cerys Matthews on weekdays will be on at 7am?!  On the weekend?!  That is really asking a lot of your listeners, I think, unless it’s people who have been up all night.  Who’s going to come back from a club and go “What’s perfect for this moment?  I know, I’ll put on the George Lamb show!”  That’ll go down like a shit storm in a chocolate factory and make all the disco biscuit chewing, face munchers well happy!  They wanna hear something more like this!

His ever expanding TV work is apparently the reason why the show has been moved.  In case you hadn’t noticed, George Lamb is shit on TV anyway.  Utter crap, getting himself involved in a programme in its final death throes – Big Brother(‘s Little Brother), furthermore, Make My Body Younger and his latest foray into lowest common denominator television, Young Butcher of the Year and soon to be broadcast Young Mechanic of the Year.  Let’s make everyone a celebrity, there’s enough to go round guys, honest.  You too could be like Dom on the fucking One Show.  What utter pony!!

Sadly, if you are a fan of any of the above mentioned programmes, then you ARE the lowest common denominator backing the funneling of TV license money into SHIT!  Shitting on the grave of John Logie Baird turning in it beneath you as you defecate!

Filed under: Radio, Television, , , , , , , , , , ,

Lamebook

If you haven’t seen Lamebook already – this site is hilarious!  (Maybe I am not down with the kids enough and you all have seen this already).
It goes to show that, as a friend once said, that tools such as Facebook, lead to an inability to communicate in a REAL way or that think this virtual world of social networking is somehow completely unconnected to reality – BRILLIANT!! Or is it just dumb Americans?!  Some are barely literate – So, let’s poke fun at them like some kind of sideshow at Coney Island, after all other peoples’ ignorance/lameness that brightens up our days…  Amen to that!

Filed under: Funny, , ,

What a jammy f*cker!

I opened up my browser today in the afternoon – I don’t have Google as a homepage because it was so nice to me for many years and then became a portal for cyber rape of my computer by ne’er do wells.  Is MSN now, I know, financial rape by a multinational, before anyone points it out, I know, oooh dirty man Bill Gates.  They’re all bastards, I KNOW!

Anyway, the MSN home page, normally there for decoration i.e. I normally ignore it, don’t even look or glance at it, because it is normally Katie Price’s streaky mascara ravaged face or Peter Andre’s smug mug on it. It’s normally an open browser and move on scenario.  Anyway, a link to a video caught my eye, Stuart Tinner, wins £250,000 for kicking a rugby ball from thirty metres and hitting the horizontal bar on the uprights at last night’s Saracens vs. South Africa match at Wembley Stadium.

I mean really, how does that happen?  A guy who works in a job centre, yes the place that is the bane and scourge of my life, from Welwyn (shit hole) of all places gets a quarter million – on retrospect I suppose he deserves it!  Not only that but the unassuming geeky looking fellow then had all the Saracens’ cheerleaders stop just short of bundling him.  Well Mr. Tinner welcome to the world of minor fame and an abundance of pussy!  Oh yeah and ‘lend us a bag of sand mate’, you’ll be hearing that a lot.

In the words or Rod Stewart Some Guys Have All the Luck….

Filed under: Uncategorized, , , , , , , , ,

What’re the hours

Waking up is hard to do – especially when you have to get up and try to find a purpose to your life.  Knowing that nothing much will happen, not at all really.  You will spend hours sorting shit out, looking through even more shit that probably has nothing to do with improving you life or your situation.  Before this takes a turn for the depressing…

I find myself in the kitchen (sometimes in other peoples’) in afternoon soup making scenarios increasingly often these days.  What makes me wake up (yes I do still find purpose to my life!), spend several hours tirelessly trawling through, mainly unsuitable job vacancies.  It’s never as easy as in the films where you go through the classifieds section of the newspaper with a red marker pen circling things.  Then spending lots of time working on my CV, portfolio and shit online (things aside from Facebook, masturbation and procrastination, I know what you’re thinking!).  That then makes me want to make soup?!  French onion with sliced baguette and gruyere a week ago, winter vegetable a few days ago and carrot, lentil and coriander today.  Maybe it’s because it is the one thing that I have control over, where I get the desired end result and it’s food, comforting food at that.  I get to do something which I feel is rewarding, probably why I write this bloody thing.  Besides I make good soup!  Just in case you were wondering, that’s what people will be getting off me for Xmas.  Just remember – it’s DAMN GOOD soup!

Someone suggested I applied for a job as a receptionist the other day.  I mean really!  Me!  A receptionist?!  Well it isn’t far from my house, virtually no travelling distance.  Erm, maybe, not sure it would suit me though.  Doesn’t sound like such a bad idea after all…  Got me thinking of the closing scenes of Spinal Tap:

Nigel Tufnel: [on what he would do if he couldn’t be a rock star] Well, I suppose I could, uh, work in a shop of some kind, or… or do, uh, freelance, uh, selling of some sort of, uh, product. You know…
Marty DiBergi: A salesman?
Nigel Tufnel: A salesman, like maybe in a, uh, haberdasher, or maybe like a, uh, um… a chapeau shop or something. You know, like, “Would you… what size do you wear, sir?” And then you answer me.
Marty DiBergi: Uh… seven and a quarter.
Nigel Tufnel: “I think we have that.” See, something like that I could do.
Marty DiBergi: Yeah… you think you’d be happy doing something like-…
Nigel Tufnel: “No; we’re all out. Do you wear black?” See, that sort of thing I think I could probably… muster up.
Marty DiBergi: Do you think you’d be happy doing that?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, I don’t know – wh-wh-… what’re the hours?

The receptionist job did leave me thinking though, ‘what’re the hours?’

Filed under: Film, jobs, Music, , , , , ,

Is it just me or…

Filed under: Funny, ,

Boredom b’dum b’dum

What a track from one of my favourite bands of the late 70s. Pre-Shelley Buzzcocks, love this song, with Howard Devoto singing lead vocals b’dum b’dum. It got me thinking…

I have to say it is a defining thing when looking for someone to take you on as an employee.  Boredom, not the I haven’t got anything to do type of boredom, but the doing the same thing and not getting any results for it, type of boredom.  Spinning those tired yarns, about how good I am, how valuable I am (etc etc) in order to try and get someone to pick me. Trying not to be picked last. Things haven’t changed much from those school days on the knee grazingly shiny flecked concrete compound.  Everyone in a line – the two captains stood there, eyeing you up and down.  It doesn’t matter that one of them is your best mate (for that month at least), he still has pride and male competitiveness burning inside him, he still isn’t going to pick you first.

In my mind, the overwhelming concern was not to be chosen last – or even worse, be left over!  Is it a lack of ambition to not want to be picked first?  Can I blame myself for the thoughts at the back of my head today saying that I might not be good enough to be picked first?  Can it be as simple as that?  Will I have to turn myself in to the thing I abhorred the most as a child – the arm in the air when a teacher asks a question.  Face contorted in effort, buttocks raised ever so slightly out of the chair, weird vocalisations in order to be noticed by said teacher, to be chosen to answer whatever question may be asked.  Then when you are chosen to give the correct answer – that look of smugness to your colleagues in class.  Where everybody else just thinks c**t!

This is what it has come down to – where there is a surplus of supply, we the suppliers, are reduced to memories of being stood in that chilly playground to be chosen.  The wind whistling and blowing the leaves around you as you wait, wait for what feels like an eternity.  Would you be the left over one who against all odds becomes the hero for that break time.  Your fancy footwork winning the game thus improving your ranking next time when the torture of picking teams comes around again.  Or you have to become that c**t and they will love you, but you’re still a c**t…

Filed under: jobs, , , , , ,

If you want to vote, hit the red button

From a Blogging Bored guest writer:

Watching Question Time last night, it struck me that if Robert Kilroy-Silk had his way, we would have a referendum on everything. The UK would be the ultimate democracy and any major political decision would go to the public vote. Should we sign the Lisbon Treaty? Yes / No. Should we get out of Europe? Yes / No. Should we ban immigration? (he actually did suggest this as a referendum topic). A simple yes or no answer will suffice.  Unfortunately, Kilroy-Silk’s ‘share or shaft’ debate did not rear its ugly head again.

In the aftermath of the expenses scandal, and in the height of a credit crunch it is not all that surprising that we have so little trust in our politicians. Even if they are our elected political representatives, can we really blame people for wanting to step in and make the big decisions for them? But if we have so little faith in our politicians’ decision-making ability, where do we stop? Should the PM wear the red tie or the blue polka dot tie for Prime Ministers Question Time? Should he have a bourbon or a custard cream with his cup of tea this afternoon? Lets put all these important issues to the public vote.

With a general election coming up in May, it won’t be long until we all do get a chance to say how we want the country to be run. Admittedly it barely feels like a choice at all – like choosing between a Burger King or a McDonalds –both equally rubbish (and just as bad for you); both fairly indistinguishable and in essence a choice between the lesser of two evils. But nonetheless, it is our opportunity to make a choice and have a say, and one that 40% of us couldn’t be bothered to make in the 2005 election.

With this in mind, where does that leave the Killjoy-Silk’s plans for multiple referendums? If people can’t be bothered to show up for a General Election, how will they be bothered to show up for every little thing he wants to vote on?  We’d never get anything done!  The country would be worse than it is now!

The answer is simple – where else have you heard the phrase “public vote” in recent weeks? Yes… X Factor. Thousands of people feel compelled to vote every week for their favourite musical wannabe – they text those numbers, log onto that website, hit that red button on their sky remote.

Picture it now – first a 2 minute slot in which Gordon can show us what he’s made of – what gives him the X Factor. The crowd will whoop, cheer or boo, then he’ll turn to face the panel – what better form of public scrutiny? First Cheryl can tell him that she loved the polka dot tie, and that she thought he made a good effort and had a lovely smile; then Simon will step in to sneer at him over his fiscal policy. Once the “performances” are over, Dermot can give us a little sum up of the issues – a reminder of what we’ve just seen – and then to the public vote. It’s a format that works, it’s foolproof! I think Kilroy-Silk will just be disappointed he didn’t think of it first…

Filed under: Politics, Television, , , , , , , , , ,

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