Blogging Bored

Time to kill…

‘Micropores’ – Come again

Is it just me or are toothpaste manufacturers really taking the piss? So we all now have porous teeth, which we can plug with this new toothpaste that acts a barrier against hot and cold.  If your teeth hurt that much – go to the fucking dentist, instead of living with the pain and misery associated by the general public with seeing a glass of ice cold water. Shit, I know in some countries they swear by cleaning your teeth with ash from the cooking fire and use chewed, softened sticks as brushes. They’re teeth look mighty fine and WHITE to me. They don’t spend a penny on toothpaste or whitening their teeth. Lucky fuckers. But “eeeew, that’s disgusting, ash?!?” I hear you say “I ain’t putting that crap in my mouth!”, ok, well put those chemicals, that I am not too proud to admit I (and therefore probably you) know very little about, in your gob instead!  Is there no lengths people will not go to in order to sell you more of their ‘new and improved’ product.  If it is new and improved then why are you still selling me the less new and less improved stuff you had before?

The other one is sluggishness, especially in women.  Do you feel sluggish?  Bloated?  Fucking hell if women felt as bloated as these adverts purport then I should be avoiding a barrage of loads of gas bag women bouncing down the road at me.  Like a real life game of Rollerball.  Of course you feel sluggish, man or woman, because the world expects so much of you.  Working long hours for little reward in most cases, you’re not sluggish your tired and run down.  If the sluggishness and bloatedness adverts carry on with the scare mongering about your teeth, they’ll be telling us that if we do not do anything about people will be exploding in McDonalds as they chow down a high red meat content meal a la Mr. Creosote in Monty Python’s Meaning of Life…

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Filed under: Advertising, Television, , , , , , , ,

How Much?!?!?!?!

I was lazily dunking a plain chocolate Leibniz biscuit in an excessively strong cup of coffee after a night of drinking strong cider (yes, it may have already come down to that) and this ad came on the TV. Admittedly, yes it was daytime viewing in the dark hours.  I could not believe my eyes when I saw what it was for.  I thought having seen adverts for posting your ‘spare’ gold I had seen it all.  It was an advert for a company called Quick Quid, whose tagline was ‘Make today payday’.  I didn’t think anything of it until I saw the APR on the money loaned to you.  It was the grand old figure of 2356% typical APR, and that’s typical, meaning if you don’t fulfil the criteria, you probably won’t get that typical rate.  Not only that but there is a charge of between £10 – £14.75 per £50 borrowed.  Legalised loan sharking, brilliant!!

How can the government talk about responsible banking by big banks that were bailed out by the taxpayer and let this go on?  They had a happy as Larry woman on the advert talking about how she was able to survive until payday.  That was all wrong, what they should have had was Vinnie Jones’ character from Lock Stock on the advert, Big Chris smashing someone’s head with the driver side door in the foot well of a Triumph Herald.  Okay, so they don’t come round and give you a proper shinning, but they’ll be round for all your stuff.  Its got to be some fucker who comes round and takes away some poor single mum’s Christmas pressies for her little ‘uns as they all cry, all because she had to take out a loan to pay her bills.  Merry Christmas folks!

Filed under: Television, , ,

Graphic designers are sad in the UK…

as you are apparently the biggest listeners to the George Lamb show on BBC Radio 6, which was on from 10am til 1pm on weekdays has reached its end. The show has been moved to a 7am slot on Saturdays and Sundays.  The childish gibberings, features, slating of that fat bloke on Radio 1, humour, with a smattering of great tunes that eased most listeners into the lush voice of Cerys Matthews on weekdays will be on at 7am?!  On the weekend?!  That is really asking a lot of your listeners, I think, unless it’s people who have been up all night.  Who’s going to come back from a club and go “What’s perfect for this moment?  I know, I’ll put on the George Lamb show!”  That’ll go down like a shit storm in a chocolate factory and make all the disco biscuit chewing, face munchers well happy!  They wanna hear something more like this!

His ever expanding TV work is apparently the reason why the show has been moved.  In case you hadn’t noticed, George Lamb is shit on TV anyway.  Utter crap, getting himself involved in a programme in its final death throes – Big Brother(‘s Little Brother), furthermore, Make My Body Younger and his latest foray into lowest common denominator television, Young Butcher of the Year and soon to be broadcast Young Mechanic of the Year.  Let’s make everyone a celebrity, there’s enough to go round guys, honest.  You too could be like Dom on the fucking One Show.  What utter pony!!

Sadly, if you are a fan of any of the above mentioned programmes, then you ARE the lowest common denominator backing the funneling of TV license money into SHIT!  Shitting on the grave of John Logie Baird turning in it beneath you as you defecate!

Filed under: Radio, Television, , , , , , , , , , ,

If you want to vote, hit the red button

From a Blogging Bored guest writer:

Watching Question Time last night, it struck me that if Robert Kilroy-Silk had his way, we would have a referendum on everything. The UK would be the ultimate democracy and any major political decision would go to the public vote. Should we sign the Lisbon Treaty? Yes / No. Should we get out of Europe? Yes / No. Should we ban immigration? (he actually did suggest this as a referendum topic). A simple yes or no answer will suffice.  Unfortunately, Kilroy-Silk’s ‘share or shaft’ debate did not rear its ugly head again.

In the aftermath of the expenses scandal, and in the height of a credit crunch it is not all that surprising that we have so little trust in our politicians. Even if they are our elected political representatives, can we really blame people for wanting to step in and make the big decisions for them? But if we have so little faith in our politicians’ decision-making ability, where do we stop? Should the PM wear the red tie or the blue polka dot tie for Prime Ministers Question Time? Should he have a bourbon or a custard cream with his cup of tea this afternoon? Lets put all these important issues to the public vote.

With a general election coming up in May, it won’t be long until we all do get a chance to say how we want the country to be run. Admittedly it barely feels like a choice at all – like choosing between a Burger King or a McDonalds –both equally rubbish (and just as bad for you); both fairly indistinguishable and in essence a choice between the lesser of two evils. But nonetheless, it is our opportunity to make a choice and have a say, and one that 40% of us couldn’t be bothered to make in the 2005 election.

With this in mind, where does that leave the Killjoy-Silk’s plans for multiple referendums? If people can’t be bothered to show up for a General Election, how will they be bothered to show up for every little thing he wants to vote on?  We’d never get anything done!  The country would be worse than it is now!

The answer is simple – where else have you heard the phrase “public vote” in recent weeks? Yes… X Factor. Thousands of people feel compelled to vote every week for their favourite musical wannabe – they text those numbers, log onto that website, hit that red button on their sky remote.

Picture it now – first a 2 minute slot in which Gordon can show us what he’s made of – what gives him the X Factor. The crowd will whoop, cheer or boo, then he’ll turn to face the panel – what better form of public scrutiny? First Cheryl can tell him that she loved the polka dot tie, and that she thought he made a good effort and had a lovely smile; then Simon will step in to sneer at him over his fiscal policy. Once the “performances” are over, Dermot can give us a little sum up of the issues – a reminder of what we’ve just seen – and then to the public vote. It’s a format that works, it’s foolproof! I think Kilroy-Silk will just be disappointed he didn’t think of it first…

Filed under: Politics, Television, , , , , , , , , ,

Have you ever noticed…

that the music to the ASDA ads is the theme from Dad’s Army (Who do you think you are kidding Mr. Hitler etc), although slightly jazzed up (a few more horns). The irony is not wasted on me and is surely in poor taste as the main rivals mentioned in the adverts are run by Jews or have had Jewish founders (Tesco & Sainsbury).  What are they trying to say?  That their main rivals are a imperialist invading force likening them to Hitler and the Third Reich?!  Or are they trying to say that ASDA’s parent company, Walmart, are likened to a bumbling bunch of old men with health issues?  Go figure – is all very incongruous to me.

Quite apt that I should notice this on the day that BNP leader Nick Griffin will be appearing on Question Time tonight (oooo controversial!).  Oh goody I can’t wait, there might be a riot on BBC1…

Filed under: Advertising, Politics, Television, , , , , , , , , ,

You know things are bad when…

you already seen the episode of Murder, She Wrote on now and not only that, you remember what happens in it!

Filed under: Television, ,

Why Do I Watch This Stuff?

I sat up last night and watched Night Watch with Steve Scott. I don’t know why it is but I find myself watching this sort of show, at the expense of all the other wholesome programming on at this hour, without mentioning Babestation.  Why is it programmes such as Night Watch and suchlike have a hypnotic quality?  I am not a very pro establishment guy, not at all actually.  It seems to be designed to strike the fear of God into you, that around every corner there is a naer-do-well about to jump you and do you in.  It doesn’t seem to work with me though, I watch with fascination at how the services go about their business.  Yet I do not feel waves of overwhelming gratitude for our boys in blue wash over me.  Again it probably goes more along the lines of me laughing at the poor drunken lout caught ON CAMERA pissing in an alleyway, while a patronising power junkie asks them why they did it.  Surely the answer is simple “I needed a piss and didn’t want to evacuate my bladder into my trousers whilst walking down the street, officer”.  He (the ‘officer’) should be thankful that the lout is able to relieve himself on his own and that he is not calling an ambulance to awake a piss soaked reveller.  I think proactive policing should follow the example of the police in New Zealand, Safer Communities – BLOW ON THE PIE!:

Filed under: Television, , , , ,

Fight For This Love?

Now is the time. It had to be done.
I just watched Cheryl Cole on X Factor.  Now, I know it is too easy to be like a hipster/East London fixie rider, and batter the shit out of X Factor and Cheryl Cole for being too mainstream, appealing to the lowest common denominator etc etc but I won’t – because that’s far too easy.  I will say this though; it left me perplexed – it can only be likened in an instant, sat there on a Sunday afternoon, with a hangover and a joint in my hand to a sexual Nuremberg rally, but a really shit one, where there was a low turn out because people forgot or because it was a Sunday.  A bit like when people say they’re attending an event on Facebook but they forget because they’re attending EVERYTHING.  Not quite knowing what it/she wanted it to be like it, ending up with her looking like a bell boy that hadn’t done their Adidas pop stud trousers (a la the 1990s) up properly resulting in her raunchy Ann Summers playsuit and tacky tattoo at the top of her thigh showing (Ashley Cole must be oh so proud).  At moments half bent over looking like Mr Cole was thrusting into the back of her.  It was the height of bizarreness – thoroughly enjoyed it though, probably not for the intended reasons.  I might have to start conceding that X Factor is ‘entertaining’ and therefore has a legitimate place on our screens.

But bollocks to that because Simon Cowell had to ruin it all by telling Cheryl Cole she was amazing and that she would be number one next week, whatever respect I had for that man has been lost in an instant, because she can’t sing, not on her own anyway – granted she does ok as part of a girl-band as she is rather generically attractive.  He (Cowell) has no problem in telling a poor idiot who has been given the misguided idea by their well to do, or I like to think, vindictive friends/relatives, that they have the ‘X Factor’ that it is the single most worst thing that he has ever heard (or seen), but still lets them carry on, all in the name of schadenfreude.  Did he hear the same thing I heard….  I suppose I was laughing my face off – so I was entertained (I felt dirty though).

Filed under: Television, , , ,

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