Blogging Bored

Time to kill…

Happy New Year…

and all that bollocks.  Yes, I am my normal cheery self again!  TV is shitter than it was at Christmas.  The weather is shitter than it was at Christmas and everyone is more depressed than they were at Christmas.  Brilliant!

I got an interview at the Job(less) Centre this afternoon (oh the irony!), because I been out of work for three months now.  Wow, time flies when you’re having fun eh? It’ll probably go something like this:

Them: “Still unemployed?”

Me: “Yes.”

Etc etc.  I mean I could go on but it would be fucking boring and you will be bored a bit like me when I go in to see those people later on.  It is hard to see what purpose they serve to someone in my position.  Who advertises their vacancies at the Job Centre?  You can’t even get a shit job through the damn place.  Wetherspoons maybe would advertise there, what discernable skill is needed there?  The ability to stop alcoholic tramps if they get offended enough to get out their seats and attempt to create a commotion or mop up their piss when they left going to the disabled toilet too long.

I digress; the Job Centre does not have the skills or resources in order to find me a job, or anyone really for that matter.  I mean these are the people that can only listen to me dictate two numbers from my National Insurance number at a time, the one time I attempted three, we had to start the whole process again.  I should have learnt that through past experience – silly me!

Here’s to a less shit new year!

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Filed under: jobs

CV… AGAIN!!

So, after talking to a friend of mine the other day, I made it “more punchy”.  Edited it down from the twelve pages I had before to the now rather lonely two, creaking under the weight of high impact images and succinct punchy text.  Small gimmicky and manageable, bit like life in the modern age.  You know the kind you can print out double sided and fold up into a neat pamphlet for ease of exploration.  I mean are we really dumbing down that much?  Can someone really not handle more than two pages of information in one sitting?  Is that the benchmark of attention that possible employers have before they fall consumed by their comfy leather director’s chair into unimaginable boredom?  If that is the case, then we and (me in particular) are fucked…

(By the way, I didn’t use the book below)

 

Filed under: jobs, , , ,

I can’t help thinking…

as I trawl through the internet day and night looking for suitable jobs, what shit some people get away with. If there is one thing that will fuck with your head its not having a job. It’s a fucking waste. Waste of time, energy, intelligence, talent and some might say ambition.  But, one thing that really annoys me is LACK of ambition. Possible future employers expect me to look through their work – spaces that they have ‘created’ and in some cases I use that term incredibly loosely.  Then I have to beg them for a job so I can get off the bloody rock’n’roll. I ain’t even kidding some people are producing pure shite!  That shows a true lack of ambition and that upsets me.

More fool me for sending in my CV…

Filed under: jobs

What’re the hours

Waking up is hard to do – especially when you have to get up and try to find a purpose to your life.  Knowing that nothing much will happen, not at all really.  You will spend hours sorting shit out, looking through even more shit that probably has nothing to do with improving you life or your situation.  Before this takes a turn for the depressing…

I find myself in the kitchen (sometimes in other peoples’) in afternoon soup making scenarios increasingly often these days.  What makes me wake up (yes I do still find purpose to my life!), spend several hours tirelessly trawling through, mainly unsuitable job vacancies.  It’s never as easy as in the films where you go through the classifieds section of the newspaper with a red marker pen circling things.  Then spending lots of time working on my CV, portfolio and shit online (things aside from Facebook, masturbation and procrastination, I know what you’re thinking!).  That then makes me want to make soup?!  French onion with sliced baguette and gruyere a week ago, winter vegetable a few days ago and carrot, lentil and coriander today.  Maybe it’s because it is the one thing that I have control over, where I get the desired end result and it’s food, comforting food at that.  I get to do something which I feel is rewarding, probably why I write this bloody thing.  Besides I make good soup!  Just in case you were wondering, that’s what people will be getting off me for Xmas.  Just remember – it’s DAMN GOOD soup!

Someone suggested I applied for a job as a receptionist the other day.  I mean really!  Me!  A receptionist?!  Well it isn’t far from my house, virtually no travelling distance.  Erm, maybe, not sure it would suit me though.  Doesn’t sound like such a bad idea after all…  Got me thinking of the closing scenes of Spinal Tap:

Nigel Tufnel: [on what he would do if he couldn’t be a rock star] Well, I suppose I could, uh, work in a shop of some kind, or… or do, uh, freelance, uh, selling of some sort of, uh, product. You know…
Marty DiBergi: A salesman?
Nigel Tufnel: A salesman, like maybe in a, uh, haberdasher, or maybe like a, uh, um… a chapeau shop or something. You know, like, “Would you… what size do you wear, sir?” And then you answer me.
Marty DiBergi: Uh… seven and a quarter.
Nigel Tufnel: “I think we have that.” See, something like that I could do.
Marty DiBergi: Yeah… you think you’d be happy doing something like-…
Nigel Tufnel: “No; we’re all out. Do you wear black?” See, that sort of thing I think I could probably… muster up.
Marty DiBergi: Do you think you’d be happy doing that?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, I don’t know – wh-wh-… what’re the hours?

The receptionist job did leave me thinking though, ‘what’re the hours?’

Filed under: Film, jobs, Music, , , , , ,

Boredom b’dum b’dum

What a track from one of my favourite bands of the late 70s. Pre-Shelley Buzzcocks, love this song, with Howard Devoto singing lead vocals b’dum b’dum. It got me thinking…

I have to say it is a defining thing when looking for someone to take you on as an employee.  Boredom, not the I haven’t got anything to do type of boredom, but the doing the same thing and not getting any results for it, type of boredom.  Spinning those tired yarns, about how good I am, how valuable I am (etc etc) in order to try and get someone to pick me. Trying not to be picked last. Things haven’t changed much from those school days on the knee grazingly shiny flecked concrete compound.  Everyone in a line – the two captains stood there, eyeing you up and down.  It doesn’t matter that one of them is your best mate (for that month at least), he still has pride and male competitiveness burning inside him, he still isn’t going to pick you first.

In my mind, the overwhelming concern was not to be chosen last – or even worse, be left over!  Is it a lack of ambition to not want to be picked first?  Can I blame myself for the thoughts at the back of my head today saying that I might not be good enough to be picked first?  Can it be as simple as that?  Will I have to turn myself in to the thing I abhorred the most as a child – the arm in the air when a teacher asks a question.  Face contorted in effort, buttocks raised ever so slightly out of the chair, weird vocalisations in order to be noticed by said teacher, to be chosen to answer whatever question may be asked.  Then when you are chosen to give the correct answer – that look of smugness to your colleagues in class.  Where everybody else just thinks c**t!

This is what it has come down to – where there is a surplus of supply, we the suppliers, are reduced to memories of being stood in that chilly playground to be chosen.  The wind whistling and blowing the leaves around you as you wait, wait for what feels like an eternity.  Would you be the left over one who against all odds becomes the hero for that break time.  Your fancy footwork winning the game thus improving your ranking next time when the torture of picking teams comes around again.  Or you have to become that c**t and they will love you, but you’re still a c**t…

Filed under: jobs, , , , , ,

I bloody hate CVs

What’s in a CV – a pack of lies? I mean you cannot write what you’re like. What if they did find out what you were really like? What your ‘interests’ or ‘extra-curricular activities’ really were?  “Yes well, I love getting properly mashed up from Friday around 1pm-ish (yes, which will be time that you are paying me for) until Sunday, then I come in for work – a little bit late, sometimes I might even get a full night’s sleep first”.  I don’t think that will curry any favour with future employers. 

I mean my mum, you know, Mum – said I should change my Facebook picture in case any possible employers google my name and see the picture of me with blacked out eyes, and flicking the ‘Vs’ up to all and sundry.  How sneaky is that?!  After I have lied to you about how well versed I am in affordable housing, sustainable homes, using all CS4 packages, you’re gonna go check out my Facebook profile – not fuckin’ likely mate – you don’t even get a picture on my settings now!  Talk about judging a book by its cover!  Although it does demonstrate some skills regarding my use of Photoshop.

Having a CV is like telling an employer how you would like to be or how you have manipulated your skills/talent to fit in with their job criteria.  The height of dishonesty!  I mean there are loads of incompetent people who have jobs – look at the Student Loans Company!

I just finished pimping my CV to suit a job, yes I have resorted to it – I have no choice, might get me a bloody interview.  So, what is a CV?  A foot in a door, forcing your way in to a job interview like a heavy handed bailiff.  Then it’s a case of using my dazzling charm and probably stretching the truth that little bit more to get the job.  So, will you get found out when you start working?  Probably not, in my experience you get handled with kid gloves until you ’settle in’.  I mean they have to, even if you’re not what they expected.  They gotta give you a fair run at it.  They spent all the money on the ads, reading ALL those CVs, whittling them down and paying someone else to do all that; they don’t wanna go through that all again!

So, fingers crossed, I might get it!  HAHA!

Filed under: jobs

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