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Time to kill…

‘Micropores’ – Come again

Is it just me or are toothpaste manufacturers really taking the piss? So we all now have porous teeth, which we can plug with this new toothpaste that acts a barrier against hot and cold.  If your teeth hurt that much – go to the fucking dentist, instead of living with the pain and misery associated by the general public with seeing a glass of ice cold water. Shit, I know in some countries they swear by cleaning your teeth with ash from the cooking fire and use chewed, softened sticks as brushes. They’re teeth look mighty fine and WHITE to me. They don’t spend a penny on toothpaste or whitening their teeth. Lucky fuckers. But “eeeew, that’s disgusting, ash?!?” I hear you say “I ain’t putting that crap in my mouth!”, ok, well put those chemicals, that I am not too proud to admit I (and therefore probably you) know very little about, in your gob instead!  Is there no lengths people will not go to in order to sell you more of their ‘new and improved’ product.  If it is new and improved then why are you still selling me the less new and less improved stuff you had before?

The other one is sluggishness, especially in women.  Do you feel sluggish?  Bloated?  Fucking hell if women felt as bloated as these adverts purport then I should be avoiding a barrage of loads of gas bag women bouncing down the road at me.  Like a real life game of Rollerball.  Of course you feel sluggish, man or woman, because the world expects so much of you.  Working long hours for little reward in most cases, you’re not sluggish your tired and run down.  If the sluggishness and bloatedness adverts carry on with the scare mongering about your teeth, they’ll be telling us that if we do not do anything about people will be exploding in McDonalds as they chow down a high red meat content meal a la Mr. Creosote in Monty Python’s Meaning of Life…

Filed under: Advertising, Television, , , , , , , ,

Better Week/Bad Week

I am of course talking about Thierry Henry, Tiger Woods and Gillette. Yes folks, as news broke of Tiger crashing his car into a fire hydrant outside his house. Where his wife smashed in the rear window of his car with a golf club, in order to get the poor Mr. Woods out of the driver’s seat (I know, go figure and speculate – I encourage you!).  Thierry Henry was rubbing his hands with glee, “Brilliant!” he must have exclaimed “now Gillette will forget about me, no?!”  No!  As the image from The Spoiler would suggest!  Spot the Ball competition anyone?!

After, even I must admit, poor footballing skills from one of the world’s best players, he must have thought his advertising contracts would take a bit of a battering.  As a friend of mine told me, there was a row on Twitter of all places, where an employee of a London advertising agency stood up for the hand of frog against a rival and this had made it to all the way to a board meeting of the said parent company.  This is all pub talk though, who knows what’s true these days.  I know this is though…  ain’t looking too hot for Gillette’s (un)holy trinity.  Federer’s crash out of the nonsensical (in my opinion anyway) ATP World Tour Finals seems like a drop in the ocean compared to the storm created by both his brand mates.  Can things get any worse, after all bad things come in threes, don’t they?!  Even worse for Gillette, might Henry get a ban for the World Cup?  After as my old Mum says, there is no such thing as bad publicity…

Filed under: Advertising, Sport, , , , , ,

Have you ever noticed…

that the music to the ASDA ads is the theme from Dad’s Army (Who do you think you are kidding Mr. Hitler etc), although slightly jazzed up (a few more horns). The irony is not wasted on me and is surely in poor taste as the main rivals mentioned in the adverts are run by Jews or have had Jewish founders (Tesco & Sainsbury).  What are they trying to say?  That their main rivals are a imperialist invading force likening them to Hitler and the Third Reich?!  Or are they trying to say that ASDA’s parent company, Walmart, are likened to a bumbling bunch of old men with health issues?  Go figure – is all very incongruous to me.

Quite apt that I should notice this on the day that BNP leader Nick Griffin will be appearing on Question Time tonight (oooo controversial!).  Oh goody I can’t wait, there might be a riot on BBC1…

Filed under: Advertising, Politics, Television, , , , , , , , , ,

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