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Time to kill…

I’ve been dumped!

Is it just me or once you finish university or a post graduate course you find yourself dumped like the infamous ‘redheaded stepchild’?  Once the government has finished plying you with student loans and the ‘education, education, education’ tag line of the 1997 Labour party campaign you’re left to fend for yourself.  In this climate every fucker abandons you!  “Yes sir, regarding your overdraft with us, we will start charging an interest rate on your borrowing over £1,000…” etc etc.  Pay you interest?!  Must be having a bloody laugh, I graduated in July; I ain’t even got a job!  Join the back of the queue.  What’s that?  You want me to fill in a customer satisfaction form – Now you really are taking the piss.  Side-stepped that one, don’t think expletives would be acceptable in those sorts of forms, telling them that most of them got bailed out by my hard earned taxes, which surely should be used to make education more accessible, not fucking bailing out a load of incapable bankers!  Bonuses?!  Fuck right off – does it ever feel that you are being asked to bend over, spread your cheeks and take it like a man sans lube?

Then the Student Loans Company, who were quite happy to keep you suckling, blissfully unaware, on their teat for however many years that you studied, with you thinking it was a bloody good idea at the time, bail on you too!  Here’s a scenario, “Ah yes.  It seems we might have overpaid you your maintenance grant/student loan (delete as applicable) and now we want it back, all at once preferably”  WHAT?! Come again!  I thought I filled ALL those bloody reams of forms so you didn’t do that!  What do they do up there?  They might as well leave a big pile of cash up in Glasgow, which you access with a student card and all you do is leave an I O U.  They’re already in to you for however many thousands of pounds, just lump your accounting error in with that.  Bastards!

I won’t even go into credit cards – ain’t even worth it…

All I can say is thank God for guest lists to Halloween parties in strip clubs!  Makes life go on that little bit easier – let the weekend wash over you, do nothing! Next week will provide you with yet more headaches and inescapable depression!

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What I wanna see on Strictly Come Dancing

As some may know I am massively into my ragga, dancehall, reggae, dub etc (none of that new fangled vocoder/auto tune shit though mind!). I have been into Major Lazer for a while now, loving their new take on the dancehall/ragga scene.  Where else but in this new age of self branding (hello Paul!), can two white fellas, Diplo and Switch (dressing to the left in picture), one hailing from the USA take the ragga/dancehall scene by storm.  But, this video is amazing – no mention of the amputee, secret zombie war fighting, Guinness drinking character of Major Lazer (bio here) in this video.  More like a 90s dancehall video on a PG rated SIMS gaming platform.  It got me thinking though, how about mixing this with one of the nation’s favourites?

This is what I wanna see on the box!  Imagine an octogenarian Brucie coming out at the start of the programme with Tess Daly, dressed in her favourite cut off dungaree batty riders, grinding up to her batty while she does the dutty wine, while Vernon Kay looks on in shock thinking to himself ‘why don’t Tezza do that for ME at home?’ and Brucie tells her to get her ‘hands on the floor’.  I mean John Sergeant, Linda Bellingham Phil Tufnell et al (let’s just say the under achievers/incapables) doing THAT, not only highly amusing but imagine the effort they would have to expend on it!  That would truly sort the wheat from the chaff!  And what a picture!

Nice to grind you, to grind you nice!

Filed under: Music, , , , , , , ,

Signed on today

Job centres are, to me, interesting places. I know it’s a pain in the arse going there at 0926 every other Tuesday morning. I know; exactly what I thought – 09:26 am PRECISELY, fear not, it’s not the time you’re gonna get seen of course. I mean it is bad enough having to go in there in first place. Then to have to wait until 0940 to be seen. Then to be told that my job search diary is fine and ‘all in order’, of course it is!!!! I am looking for work, I am an educated person, and I want a fucking job! So I don’t have to fucking come here to be patronised and be told what time I have to be here to the fucking minute.  I was discussing this with a friend of mine yesterday.  Not only is it bad enough that I have to go to this dump and be patronised by the person I swear was looking for work here the other day and is now helping other people to find work!  How insignificant each person who comes in here must be – we’re all minutes on a clock, just statistics now, surely to be bandied about by politicians fighting a PR battle to get the POWER, the power to fuck it all up again – to be defined in history by what mistakes your party made during their tenure.  I am a statistic.

You want to know statistics – the woman who told me my job searches were ‘in order’ should be made to read the Financial Times or some such economical digest to bring her up to date with what is going on in the economy.  Telling me that things are ‘picking up’, do you not know that we are heading for a period of deflation, the longest period of negative growth since 1955, since records began.  Far from picking up – hold tight, things will only get worse.

Anyway, I digress, job centres, interesting places, yes, what a cross section of British society.  the man in the corner with ‘I really should not be here’ look on his face to the man fighting to keep his benefits cash cow on the go, appealing against a decision to stop his payments.  Probably so he can carry on doing nothing or drinking or smoking pot or wasting his time or EVEN blogging!  I saw a rather attractive woman working there as well and it got me thinking.  What if you’re in there as a single man and you see a nice looking woman, you ain’t gonna offer her shit, you can’t even get a job!  It ain’t the place to pick up, that’s for sure – you can’t bullshit your way into some girl’s knickers in there – there is no way!  Unless you’re Charles Bukowski I suppose…

Times are tight maybe I’ll have to become a webcam performer – no experience necessary! 

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Alas, there was no riot…

After having returned from a night of skiffle blues up at the Boogaloo (which was very good I might add), I settled down to watch last night’s episode of Question Time.  In my head I had dubbed it to be the television highlight of the year, so I got the popcorn out and settled down.  I expected to see the British stiff upper lip quivering at the sight of the ‘toad that someone stretched luncheon meat over’ – in the words of Russell Howard, spouting fascist rhetoric, however, he was not forthcoming though.  Griffin looked uneasy to say the least and confused in what he was saying and was sucking up to Bonnie Greer – which was amusing as she was having none of it, and he reckons they got on well!

It was all a very civil affair, no eggs lobbed, no one rushing the stage, no gunshots – I was disappointed.  When asked on the Daily Politics today whether Nick Griffin was good on QT, one panelist said ‘good like a sweating sex offender’ – hilarious.  Today’s sound bites from Griffin called the show a ‘lynch mob’ – oh the irony as he did share a stage with David Duke a former head of the KKK.

My favourite quote was him saying – last night was like a ‘bear trap’, and he was like a ‘bear with its hands tied behind its back’.  Firstly, Mr. Griffin, a bear has paws and not hands, which really worries me about his knowledge of zoology and gene pools etc.  Secondly, Russell Howard has already likened you to a toad (not a bear, I would say a boss-eyed toad, but you can understand why Russell Howard did not say this) with a luncheon meat veneer – and not a veneer of respectability as you might like to think.

Now that the BNP has supposedly opened up it’s ranks to anyone, wouldn’t it be funny if Operation Black Vote encouraged it’s members to all join the BNP as one of my friends (of the Labour Party) suggested or to call up the BNP’s freephone number from payphones all across the country and financially bankrupt them with a stupendous BT phone bill as another suggested.

Was it a good thing for him going on QT?  No, but as I said in a previous entry there is no such thing as bad publicity (doffs cap to mother).  However, I don’t see ethnic minorities or people with more than two brain cells giving him the sympathy vote.

We salute you Nick Griffin for being the most unintentionally funny man in politics!

Filed under: Politics, , , , , , , , ,

Have you ever noticed…

that the music to the ASDA ads is the theme from Dad’s Army (Who do you think you are kidding Mr. Hitler etc), although slightly jazzed up (a few more horns). The irony is not wasted on me and is surely in poor taste as the main rivals mentioned in the adverts are run by Jews or have had Jewish founders (Tesco & Sainsbury).  What are they trying to say?  That their main rivals are a imperialist invading force likening them to Hitler and the Third Reich?!  Or are they trying to say that ASDA’s parent company, Walmart, are likened to a bumbling bunch of old men with health issues?  Go figure – is all very incongruous to me.

Quite apt that I should notice this on the day that BNP leader Nick Griffin will be appearing on Question Time tonight (oooo controversial!).  Oh goody I can’t wait, there might be a riot on BBC1…

Filed under: Advertising, Politics, Television, , , , , , , , , ,

Ding Dong the Witch is Dead (or not as the case may be)

One can only live in hope that this ‘jack ass’ (I didn’t say it – but a very worthy (haha!) Nobel Prize winner did) might have finished releasing any more mediocre stuff, but alas, it is not the case but a highly elaborate hoax – which involved a ‘death rumour maker’ and some hackers.

Dammit!  I was hoping when I received this link in my email inbox – from friend this time, not foe, that it was true.

All the architects and civil engineers among us please note in the video the rather chunky looking steel structure that cut his (supposedly West’s) Ferrari down the middle, yes, made me wince too…

Filed under: Music, , ,

You know things are bad when…

you already seen the episode of Murder, She Wrote on now and not only that, you remember what happens in it!

Filed under: Television, ,

Your Mum….

hates your blog – “what a fucking waste of time!!!” [yes that is a direct quote] sent promptly from my mother’s email in response to mine; inviting people to read my ‘waste of time’ on here and not only did she want me to know, she wanted everybody to know, so sent all, a list in excess of fifty people!  She is after all entitled to her opinion – my favourite reply from a dear friend was ‘And whaddya know? Kit’s blog has the best introduction to his friends possible – family tension, swear words, friends backing him against his mum and someone called HandsOnAaron on the email list. I’ve not followed the link but I’m hooked already!’  The responses also ranged from ‘your mum’s awesome!’ to ‘tell that person who emailed that foul language off for me please!’

Guess there’s no such thing as bad publicity – I was pissed off initially (I mean come on mum, I am trying).  Then I was embarrassed like when you’re fifteen and your mum drops you off at a party in full view of all your ‘K cider’ drinking mates and insists that she gives you a kiss.  She then made it even worse by replying all AGAIN, apologising to everyone – I mean, “come on Mum, you’re SO embarrassing!”.  Finally, I found it funny, due probably to my mother’s ineptitude to reply to a group email without sending all, yet so opinionated she had to get it all out!  I had visions of her sat in front of her screen frantically typing her opinion (plus expletive), succinct and to the point.  The frustration of her son wasting his time whilst being thoroughly unemployed eventually does come through in that single line email, only after I thought about it though!  I wish she had signed it off as ‘Disappointed of North London’

I love you too mum X

Filed under: Uncategorized

Why Do I Watch This Stuff?

I sat up last night and watched Night Watch with Steve Scott. I don’t know why it is but I find myself watching this sort of show, at the expense of all the other wholesome programming on at this hour, without mentioning Babestation.  Why is it programmes such as Night Watch and suchlike have a hypnotic quality?  I am not a very pro establishment guy, not at all actually.  It seems to be designed to strike the fear of God into you, that around every corner there is a naer-do-well about to jump you and do you in.  It doesn’t seem to work with me though, I watch with fascination at how the services go about their business.  Yet I do not feel waves of overwhelming gratitude for our boys in blue wash over me.  Again it probably goes more along the lines of me laughing at the poor drunken lout caught ON CAMERA pissing in an alleyway, while a patronising power junkie asks them why they did it.  Surely the answer is simple “I needed a piss and didn’t want to evacuate my bladder into my trousers whilst walking down the street, officer”.  He (the ‘officer’) should be thankful that the lout is able to relieve himself on his own and that he is not calling an ambulance to awake a piss soaked reveller.  I think proactive policing should follow the example of the police in New Zealand, Safer Communities – BLOW ON THE PIE!:

Filed under: Television, , , , ,

Fight For This Love?

Now is the time. It had to be done.
I just watched Cheryl Cole on X Factor.  Now, I know it is too easy to be like a hipster/East London fixie rider, and batter the shit out of X Factor and Cheryl Cole for being too mainstream, appealing to the lowest common denominator etc etc but I won’t – because that’s far too easy.  I will say this though; it left me perplexed – it can only be likened in an instant, sat there on a Sunday afternoon, with a hangover and a joint in my hand to a sexual Nuremberg rally, but a really shit one, where there was a low turn out because people forgot or because it was a Sunday.  A bit like when people say they’re attending an event on Facebook but they forget because they’re attending EVERYTHING.  Not quite knowing what it/she wanted it to be like it, ending up with her looking like a bell boy that hadn’t done their Adidas pop stud trousers (a la the 1990s) up properly resulting in her raunchy Ann Summers playsuit and tacky tattoo at the top of her thigh showing (Ashley Cole must be oh so proud).  At moments half bent over looking like Mr Cole was thrusting into the back of her.  It was the height of bizarreness – thoroughly enjoyed it though, probably not for the intended reasons.  I might have to start conceding that X Factor is ‘entertaining’ and therefore has a legitimate place on our screens.

But bollocks to that because Simon Cowell had to ruin it all by telling Cheryl Cole she was amazing and that she would be number one next week, whatever respect I had for that man has been lost in an instant, because she can’t sing, not on her own anyway – granted she does ok as part of a girl-band as she is rather generically attractive.  He (Cowell) has no problem in telling a poor idiot who has been given the misguided idea by their well to do, or I like to think, vindictive friends/relatives, that they have the ‘X Factor’ that it is the single most worst thing that he has ever heard (or seen), but still lets them carry on, all in the name of schadenfreude.  Did he hear the same thing I heard….  I suppose I was laughing my face off – so I was entertained (I felt dirty though).

Filed under: Television, , , ,

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